Rutaluen
by Confushi Sushi
Summary: Rutaluen's hand pressed against the cool glass, her voice weary. "Who are you? Who am I?"
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Well, I thought I was going to finish the other series first, but then I started writing this one. It's another of the ideas I've had for quite some time. Hopefully, it turns out as good as it sounds in my head. I'll try to update as often as I can, but that depends on how fast I can write these up.**

**As always, please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading.**

Vanara walked down the grassy incline, the light of the stars her only guide. She walked slowly, in no hurry. Watched her quarry as she moved. Listened to the flow of the river. There was the barest of breezes, just enough to sway the hem of her kilt. Her slender tail rippled slightly, the only outward sign of her unease. Without a word, she sat down.

The other woman said nothing. Vanara watched her as she continued to look up at the sky. Rutaluen spent most of her nights in just this spot. In just this way. Vanara looked up to the stars herself.

"I still do not understand your fascination."

Rutaluen's features gave her nothing. Her reptilian face was blank. For Vanara's part, her ear membranes drooped only slightly. A gesture the other woman would not have noticed even if she had been looking.

"I should be somewhere else," Rutaluen said. Almost in a trance.

By any account, she should be dead. Vanara didn't think she needed to be reminded of that fact. "Staring at points of light will not bring you answers."

"Nothing else has."

"Such things cannot be forced. If it will happen, it will happen on it's own."

Rutaluen hung her head. "It's been so long already, Vanara. I _know_ there's something there, but I just can't get it."

"You are fortunate to have your life. And this is how you would spend it?" This time she couldn't help but bring up the issue. To make Rutaluen see. Wasting her life away waiting for what may never come, it didn't serve her.

Rutaluen stood then, her movements slightly awkward, tail brushing the grass as she turned. "Who are you kidding? This isn't my life."

"Is it so bad?"

"I don't know."

_**Rutaluen**_

Janet stared blankly at the patient files in front of her. The routine physicals held no interest to her. She couldn't even be bothered to pretend to be working. It was still too much, even after all these months. At times she'd still find herself paralyzed, lost within the gaping hole that resided in her chest.

She still found it hard to believe that Sam was dead.

Janet's gaze flickered to the top drawer of her desk. Sam's picture was buried deeply within. It was too hard to look at, but she found some small comfort in keeping it close at hand.

It had been a simple mission with unexpected results. They were analyzing some interesting plants on an otherwise unremarkable planet. No sign of Goa'uld. No sign of advanced life of any kind. But the plants seemed to possess a unique chemical property. Potential medicinal applications.

All was fine until the local wildlife had shown up.

Janet only came for the aftermath, but she had read the reports, heard from the others directly. The wolf-like creature was over four feet tall at the shoulders. A gray and black streak of teeth and claws. It came out of nowhere, Sam had somehow managed to dodge the first pounce. After skidding to a halt, it turned for another pass. SG-1 had all opened fire. The creature finally stumbled. But not before catching Sam's leg in its jaw.

Momentum pulled them both down the steep valley, only a few degrees away from being a cliff. WIthout climbing material, they had to return to the SGC. Janet had returned with the rescue team, but it was pointless. It had taken almost a whole day to get there. Scavengers had made off, leaving only pieces of the attacking creature.

Janet wished she could wipe the sight of all that blood from her memory.

She tried to blink away the forming moisture when she heard footsteps approach. When Daniel rounded the corner she gave a tight smile. He returned it with equal difficulty.

"Physical time, huh?" Daniel said as he sat. His gaze dropped to the files on her desk.

Janet set down the one in her hands. "That it is."

"How's things?" He played with a pen from her desk as he spoke. Eventually he looked at her.

Janet shrugged. "You?"

"Yeah," Daniel said, "about the same."

She knew that the others, Daniel, Jack, and Teal'c, were as devastated as she was. Janet and Sam had been together, but she knew the bond of a team was just as strong. But Janet was part of the team too. She quickly saw Daniel's attempt to look after her.

Daniel looked at his watch. "Lunch?"

She nodded. "Sure."

_**Rutaluen**_

With a gasp, she jerked out of sleep. More often than not it was how she awoke. Not enough substance to really be called a nightmare. Fear, desperation, pain. A scream that she supposed came from herself. It left her anxious and momentarily confused.

Rutaluen supposed a lot of things left her confused.

She sat up on the sleeping pallat. For a few minutes she just listened to the sounds of life outside of the small building. Footsteps of passersby. Mumbles of conversation through the walls. Fluid windows, arcing and curving along the freeform design of the walls, let in the bright light of the midday sun. It warmed her, soaking into her skin.

Rutaluen finally stood up, leaving the home. Talare, the people of this planet, filled the village. A group of small children raced by, pumping their reverse-articulated legs frantically in some game of tag. Slender tails whipped behind like streamers. There was little use for clothes and everyone, male and female, tended to have little more than a simple kilt.

After straying, her attention returned to the children. One had tackled another and now she saw the fight starting. Both hissed, the rest standing back to watch. Blows were landed before she could cross the distance.

"Hey, hey!" Rutaluen shouted as she grabbed them both squarely by the shoulder and wrenched them apart. The boy and girl glared at each other, pulling against her hold slightly. Males had underbellies a different color than the rest of their skin, and their overall coloring tended to be brighter. It was the only way she could tell them apart.

"Pah cheated!" said the boy.

"You're just slow," the girl countered.

Rutaluen sighed, and they both looked at her quizzically. "That's no reason to fight."

Before she could continue, there was a sharp snort behind her. Turning her head around, Rutaluen saw Grahas standing behind her. Glaring. He spared the children a brief glance.

"Take your games elsewhere."

She let go of the two she held, and they all took off quickly. Rutaluen turned around, faced him.

"Now what did I do?" she said.

From the corner of her eye she watched his tail flick behind him. Grahas eyed her with unveiled contempt. "You feel the need to raise our young?"

He hated her. She had no other description for it. She also had no reason why he should feel so strongly towards her either way. Whenever she looked, he was watching her. Anything she decided to do drew immediate ire. It seemed, no matter how hard she tried, Rutaluen simply couldn't win.

She could only be grateful that he did not hold the decision of her fate.

Even so, the constant beration wore on her. "What am I supposed to do, watch them beat each other up?"

"It is not your place."

Frustration had her standing her ground. Angry, she felt the flare along her skin, almost like burning. Thin membranes rose from her body: the top of her head, her arms, and legs. A physiological response. The sensation had her taking a step back. Grahas' eyes widened slightly, but he was still.

"I'm trying," she said stiffly. After several breaths, the sensation began to subside, her body returning to normal.

Grahas blinked slowly a few times, then walked away.

She tried to force the encounter out of her mind. Instead, she walked towards the temple. The buildings, though beautiful, had an odd simplicity to them. These people had technology, but it seemed almost devoid in their day-to-day lives. Talare toiled in fields for harvests, labored upon handmade crafts, and were in general active in the land around them.

The temple was the largest building Rutaluen had seen on the world. It was little more than a meandering trellis. Plants of all shapes and colors climbed the enormous lattice, sun filtering in through the spaces between. Arched doorways surrounded the base, leaving almost the entire building open.

She walked inside and was immediately enveloped on the scents. Cushions were arranged around the various plants that grew within, a place to rest and meditate for those who were inclined. Various Talare were doing just that. Others gathered in small groups, talking quietly. Rutaluen walked past them all.

In the center of the massive building, she found Shara'le. Pearlescent robes draped around Shara'le as she sat upon the cushion, her legs tucked to the side. Her eyes were closed. Her body still.

Waiting for the woman to finish, Rutaluan sat upon a nearby cushion. She stared at a slender vine, tracing the seeming thousands of branches with her eyes. Despite herself, she still felt the tension coiling through her body.

"He is but one voice in a vast sea. Do not allow him to bear down on your heart." Shara'le said. When Rutaluen looked at her, her eyes were still closed.

"One very loud voice," Rutaluen said.

She thought she heard amusement. "Yes."

Shara'le studied her intently. Rutaluen noted the slight softening of her features. "The dream continues."

Her emotions were an open book to Shara'le. Empathic, she could sense the emotions of all those around her. But that wasn't the extent of her abilities. She could also read thoughts if she were inclined. Something she never did without permission. And in these months, Rutaluen knew that she took such things very seriously. It was through Shara'le that she had been able to learn their language.

It was through Shara'le, also, that she had received sanctuary.

"I wish I could remember something useful," Rutaluen said. Not just that moment of terror.

"It is astounding that the process was able to work at all."

She could only nod at Shara'le's words. "I want to go to the chamber."

Shara'le studied her for a moment, then bowed her head slightly.

Housed below the temple, these rooms embodied the technology shunned from daily life. Bright, artificial lights. Sterile halls. The slopes and curves of their structures echoed through, but in muted forms. Rutaluen followed Shara'le through the halls. They stopped at the far room. Showing her wisdom, Shara'le motioned her inside, but didn't follow.

Rutaluen walked thorugh slowly. Walked to the containment pod in the back. Gazed down at the woman inside. Blonde hair, pale skin. It was the Talare's first encounter with the species. With humans. That much she could remember. And it wasn't nearly enough. It wasn't nearly fair.

Hell, she couldn't even remember her own name.

Rutaluen. Nameless. The name that had been bestowed upon her. But it wasn't her name. It wasn't even her body. Her body lay there in that chamber. Pale. Naked. Perhaps peacefully at rest if it weren't for the gaping cuts, the severe angle of broken bones. Even cleaned up, the damage gave her pause. She still didn't know how to process that she was looking down at herself.

The Talare had transferred her consciousness into a new body. A Talare body. When she had gotten over the initial shock and horror of waking up in a completely foreign form, Shara'le had explained to her their reasons. As advanced as they were, they had no knowledge of her anatomy. Had no way to be certain that efforts to heal her would work. Had no time to try both options. They chanced that the memory transfer would work between forms, at least enough. It had been their hope, at the very least, that she could tell them from whence she had come. And return her body.

It seemed that wasn't going to happen. After months on the planet she remembered nothing that could help her. No address for the ring, though she knew she had a different name for the device, but didn't know what. No idea what she had been doing where they had found her. And certainly no god damn name.

Rutaluen's hand pressed against the cool glass, her voice weary. "Who are you? Who am I?"

_**Rutaluen**_

Jack's eyes narrowed as he stepped foot on the other side of the gate. The sun was high. The valley surrounding the stargate was clear of danger. Birdsong, or something like birds, echoed through the air.

He'd rather be anywhere but here. Jack had even pulled the general aside after the briefing and said as much. All that had gotten him was an apologetic stare.

P3C-670. Normally he wasn't much for remembering designations, but this one was different. The planet they had lost Sam. And here they were to protect one of the scientific teams sent to harvest the plants. Jack could care less what medicinal properties the plants had displayed. He had no interest in this mission. A quick glance to Daniel and Teal'c showed that their thoughts ran similar lines.

Lieutenant Warren stood beside the scientists, oblivious to the moment.

Jack quickly slid his sunglasses over his eyes. "Let's get a move on."

_**Rutaluen**_

Rutaluen stepped through the ring with practiced ease. Without conscious thought, she found herself scanning the surrounding area for danger. The pike she carried, their defense against the predatory uzna'a, was held at ready.

She almost missed the look of mild approval Grahas sent in her direction.

"You appear to be in your element," Vanara said. Her lips bared in a smile. "I told you it would do good."

Rutaluen had to agree. Something about this felt familiar. Right. It was just a feeling, though. She couldn't rightly place it.

Vanara had offered to have her come harvest with them instead of languishing in her own despair. At first Rutaluen had been hesitant. This was the place that she died, after all. And while she had no true memories of it, she wasn't sure how wise it was to come back. Vanara had pointed out that the familiar scenery might help to jog her memory. And added that sitting around dejected wasn't really any better for her mental wellbeing.

"How often do these uzna'a attack?" Rutaluen said. She really could do without another encounter with one.

Grahas spoke without turning to her. "It is rare in the day. The creature was likely desperate for food." Now he did look at her, snorting derisively. "Or perhaps it sensed weakness."

"Grahas," Vanara snapped. Rutaluen stayed silent, gripping her pike a little tighter.

The six of them walked on in terse silence, she and Vanara the only females. Vanara walked beside Rutaluen, while Rouva flanked Grahas. To'as and Mauk walked behind, appearing mildly uncomfortable. Rutaluen wondered if it was embarrassment at Grahas' outburst, or veiled support on her behalf. Whatever they did think of her, they clearly wanted nothing to do with this dispute.

It was some time later that they entered a moderate field within the large grove. Perhaps a hundred yards from one side to the other, she guessed. Rutaluen stared at the waving grasses. When there was a long silence, she turned to the others. They all looked upon the field with stunned shock.

"What is it?" she said.

Rouva went forward, pushing aside the tall grasses with his hand. They all came over, stared down at the foot wide hole of dirt. "They are gone."

"The mata'le?" Rutaluen said. The plants that they had come to harvest? She hadn't seen them before, but Vanara had descrived them as tall bushes with long, slender leaves. And the fields where they grew were teeming with them. But when she gazed over this field, she saw nothing of the sort.

Grahas started running to several different holes. "Taken? There is no animal here that would consume them, not to their very roots."

To'as kneeled down, almost disappearing among the grass. "No, not eaten. They've been dug up. The dirt has not even been replaced."

He spoke the last line with obvious disgust. Rutaluen knew that they didn't approve of such invasive actions against the nature around them. Certainly not clearcutting an entire field.

"You!" Grahas shouted. He bared his teeth as he came forward, fins rising. Rutaluen braced herself, holding her pike defensively. She wasn't certain he was going to stop. "This is what you were after!"

"I don't even know what this stuff is!" she said defensively.

Vanara stepped between them, grabbing Grahas' shoulder. He tried to shrug out of her grip, but she didn't budge. "Stay yourself."

"Your people, your humans, did this," Grahas said. "What other answer is there?"

Mauk spoke, hissing lightly. "Shara'le has seen her mind. If Rutaluen harbored deceit, she would know. Whatever has transpired here, and whoever has done it, she cannot be held responsible."

"She does not remember. Or have _you_ forgotten?"

Vanara stomped a foot, calling for attention. "We do no condemn without proof."

They all stood silent, gazing between each other. Rutaluen still held up her pike. Grahas flicked his tail, his fins finally starting to retract. He turned and started walking. "Let us observe the other fields."

The next two they went to were equally barren. With each passing moment the anger and resentment further stifled Rutaluen. She kept her distance from Grahas, dared not look at him in case she met his eyes. Hours had gone by, the sun was well on its descent now. They would have to leave before nightfall, the uzna'a were much more active then. But Grahas insisted upon checking one last field.

She heard voices. Distant. Unintelligible. But the cadence of speech was unmistakeable. As the others stopped, she knew they heard it as well. They slowly made their way through the large trees. When the way began to thin, she saw several figures in the field below. The ground sloped, leaving them on top of a gently rolling hill looking down.

The camouflaged uniforms were immediately recognizable. Just like the tattered clothes she had been wearing. Four walked around with guns held deliberately. Four more were in the process of uprooting plants with various equipment, and placing them on a motorized cart.

"I told you," Grahas said. His voice was low as not to be heard. "This will not be tolerated."

"Grahas!" Vanara hissed as he took off. For a moment they were all so stunned they could only watch him lunge into the field below. Almost immediately, Rutaluen heard the alarmed cry from the people in the valley. She knew he was only going to get himself killed.

She took off after him, dropping her pike in the interest of speed. Saw the guns trained up in their direction. Knew that they wouldn't hold off firing forever. She started to overtake him, her form more lithe and agile. They could have been no more than fifty feet away when she dove, tackling Grahas to the ground. She pushed his shoulder blades to the ground with one hand, raising her other out of the grass.

"Don't shoot!" she said in English. Having spoken so little of it recently, it sounded strange to her ears. "Don't shoot!"

Then she dropped her face to Grahas' ear and spoke deliberately. "Stay exactly where you are."

He growled at her, but didn't move. Ignoring him, she turned to see the others had followed. They stood some thirty feet behind her, having been smart enough to cut short. Then her attention returned to the four men in front of her, scant feet away. Weapons were trained deliberately. She looked between each man, a pang of recognition slamming her in the gut.

"The mata'le is not yours! You steal and destroy! Cease this at once!" Grahas shouted pointlessly. They couldn't understand him. While they looked down at Grahas, Rutaluen couldn't take her eyes off of the men. Grahas then addressed her. "Tell them! Tell them that none of you are welcome here."

The man with glasses and brown hair spoke, his voice bewildered. "Whatever you're trying to say, we can't understand you. Can you understand us?"

He seemed to grow uncomfortable at her lingering stare.

"It said 'don't shoot,'" the older one said. Even with the sunglasses over his eyes, she felt his piercing gaze. "They must understand something."

"You can speak our language?" the brown haired one said.

She found her voice again. Just barely. "I know you."


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Took a bit longer than I thought it would to write the next bit, but I think I've got things more solidified in my head now. Thank you for all the positive reviews, hope you continue to enjoy.**

"I know you," the creature repeated in a whispy voice.

Jack blinked, cocking his head sideways. Its gaze stayed focused on him now, and he wasn't sure what he saw in those orange eyes. His voice was incredulous to mask the surprise. "Um, no you don't. I'm not the best with faces, but I'm pretty sure yours doesn't ring any bells."

The one beneath it shifted restlessly. Jack spared a quick glance to the group behind, they appeared riveted. What the hell was this?

"I know you." A little louder now. What did he hear, frustration?

"Ok, I'll bite. Who am I?"

Finally, it looked down at the ground. Jack fought back the sigh of relief. It shook its head. "It's right there. I can't..."

The bottom alien moved in earnest, starting to shirk the other off of it. Jack held his P90 a little tighter, hearing the others adopt similar stances around him.

"Grahas!" One of the aliens in the back shouted, making Jack look up again. Whatever it said, the other stilled. And snorted heavily.

"Grass?" Jack said.

"Grahas, sir." The top alien responded immediately, correcting him as though by instinct.

"Beg your pardon?" Jack said.

"What?" Daniel spoke at the same time.

"It's his name."

"No," Jack said. "Rewind. Did you just call me sir?"

"Yes." It hesitated.

"Why?" Daniel asked. Jack gave him a side glance, which the other man completely ignored.

"I don't know."

Jack scrubbed one hand over his face. "Ok. If you really do know me, as you say you do, then you know that I'm not a big fan of surprises, puzzles, riddles, existencial quandries, or suspense. So could someone please tell me what the hell is going on here? Anybody?"

It seemed at a loss for words, looking between Jack, Daniel, and Teal'c.

"Her memory is... damaged." An alien in the back spoke. It's words were heavily accented, carefully chosen.

"You do speak English," Daniel said.

"Rutaluen has taught me some of your words."

"Rutaluen is?" Jack prompted.

"Rutaluen is she."

Jack looked back down at the first. "Rutaluen? See, I definitely don't know you."

"That's not my name," she snapped.

"Ok, what _is_ your name?"

"I don't know."

Jack raised a finger. "Ah, ah! That chestnut is starting to get old. Pray tell, what _do_ you know?"

She stood, slowly. Jack backed up a couple steps, cautious if she was making some sort of move. But after rising, now standing a head taller than him, she was still. "I know that I know you. Because I am human. Your face is so familiar. But when I try to think of a name, a memory, it's all smoke."

"That's enough," Jack said quickly, cutting off the reply he saw Daniel about to make. "This isn't funny. You aren't human, not even close. I'm human. Daniel here is human. Teal'c is... mostly human."

"I was." She glared at him. "They found me here, all but dead, and took me to their world. Put me in this body."

"Sam?" Daniel almost whispered. The alien looked at Daniel expectantly.

"No," Jack said.

"O'Neill," Teal'c said.

"No." Jack tried to cut him off. But he continued anyway.

"Major Carter's body was never recovered."

Hot at the idea of such a ruse, Jack gritted his teeth. "Tell me the truth."

"I am telling you the truth."

_**Rutaluen**_

Somehow, Rutaluen and the other alien had convinced the rest to surrender their weapons, and be restrained. The one had railed, screaming in their language with ample hisses and snorts. It was only the furious persuasion by the rest that he finally allowed itself to be restrained. It glared at Rutaluen the whole time. They stood by the partially laden FRED.

Daniel, Jack, and Teal'c stood a small distance away, affording them a modicum of privacy. The scientists watched from behind them.

Rutaluen. Sam? Daniel didn't know what to make of it. He stared at her intently, trying to see it. Was there something there? But the reptilian form was too alien, too foreign for him to project her onto it. The only reason he knew her to be female was simply by their word. If her story was true though, gender didn't really matter then, did it?

"It's not her," Jack said. He was adamant.

"You can't just dismiss her outright."

"I believe I just did."

Teal'c spoke. "We do not know of what these aliens are capable. Her claims could indeed be the truth."

"She's dead," Jack said. The weight of the words slammed Daniel like a fist. It was still difficult to say the words, or to hear them.

"We should at least hear her out," Daniel said.

"To what end? She doesn't remember anything. How are we supposed to verify? DNA? Something tells me that's not going to help."

Daniel sighed. "She remembers us."

"That's not remembering. That's a stab in the dark."

"Apology!" They all looked at the other alien addressing them. "Darkness approaches. Uzna'a will soon hunt. We must leave the planet."

"Uzna'a? Those mangy dog-things?" Warren said, finally piping up.

It stared blankly. Rutaluen spoke. "Yes."

"We should take them back to Earth," Daniel said.

"I am in agreement with Daniel Jackson."

Jack looked over to Warren for support, but he only shrugged. Jack sighed. "Yeah... Ok, pack it up people." He stared at the aliens. "Nothing funny, got it?"

_**Rutaluen**_

Sam Carter. Major. She played it around in her head. It sounded right. Familiar. Comfortable. But there was still an unsettling disconnect. She whispered their names to herself, also. A spark of recognition, little more. Everything was just out of her reach, and she wanted to scream. Perhaps she was just chasing smoke after all. Maybe nothing of substance existed beyond her vague notions.

They didn't believe her. She supposed that she couldn't honestly expect them to. After all, what had she really given them? It still hurt her in the most unsettling of ways. Like a deep betrayal. Jack didn't believe her at all. Daniel and Teal'c seemed more hesitant with their reluctance. The others' opinion she found she wasn't overly concerned about.

These three meant something.

"Whatever befalls us is on your head," Grahas said.

She closed her eyes wearily. "They won't hurt us."

"Us." He spat.

"You don't help the situation," Vanara said.

"We are restrained, as foolish as that decision was. Forgive me if I am not instilled with trust for their intentions."

Mauk's tail twitched nervously. "Perhaps Grahas was correct..."

Rutaluen shook her head, a meaningless gesture to the Talare. "It's just a precaution. They don't know if they can trust us, either."

Grahas snarled again at the use of the word "us."

She was having her own misgivings, but it wouldn't do to let on to them. She did know that they wouldn't be hurt, she just wasn't sure about anything else. If she couldn't convince anyone of her identity, then what would happen? She found an overwhelming urge to bite her lip. And a physical impossibility to do so.

Twilight descended, shadows melted into the vegitation. They weren't more than an hour from the stargate. Already she swore she could see vague rustling in the distance. Hints of movement. She looked around the others, they saw it to. She found it increasingly difficult to breath.

"It's them, isn't it?" Rutaluen said.

Vanara was looking at something to the right. She required no elaboration. "It is."

She knew the humans saw it. Watched Teal'c's gaze track one such tremble. Similar tremors rippled through her own body. She felt shaky. Her mouth grew uncomfortably dry. Rapid, shallow breaths were all she could seem to manage. Rutaluen might have willed herself to calm down, but she found herself incapable of conscious thought.

"Are you unwell?" Teal'c said, barely breaking through her fog.

She shook her head in an effort to collect her thoughts. "I don't want to be here."

"You're not the only one," Jack said. His wry tone was lost on her, but Daniel glared.

The yip was suprisingly high pitched for such a large animal. They all stopped moving immediately. There was an answering call near the first. Rapidly it fell to snarls and grunts. While she couldn't see either creature, she distinctly heard the heavy crash as they collided, fighting over their prey.

A furious pounding behind caught her attention. She turned to see the shock of mane barrelling through the grass. It was heading straight through the middle of the group, but she was frozen stiff. Paralyzed by memory. Rutaluen was unaware what was happening around her. Didn't feel as Vanara crashed into her, tackling her to the ground. The gunfire that started after everyone had dived to safety could just as easily have been the shots she heard in her own head.

The animalistic howl of pain made her close her eyes tightly.

_**Rutaluen**_

Daniel watched the beast collapse with one final shuddering breath. Teal'c approached cautiously, making sure that it really was dead. With an affirmative nod, he looked back to the direction where the others were fighting, still howling at each other. He could hear the carnage.

"What happens when they stop fighting?" Daniel said.

"One, if not both, will be dead. It will likely be too damaged to attack," the other alien to speak English said. "But others will come."

"We should make haste to the stargate," Teal'c said.

Daniel saw the aliens standing awkwardly, peering out into the darkness. But only four of them. The other one kneeled back down.

"Rutaluen dana. Calmous." He thought he heard worry in its tone.

Daniel rushed over. "Is she hurt?"

Rutaluen was curled up as tightly as she could manage with her arms restrained. The other alien kneeled over her, unable to do anything else. He didn't see any obvious sign of injury, but she seemed to be barely breathing. Hyperventilating it appeared. If she were human, he would have immediately assumed a panic attack. Were they similar enough to draw such parallels?

"Hey, can you hear me?" When he got no response he reached down, touched her shoulder.

"No!" She screamed the word. Jerked heavily away from the contact. When their eyes met, he couldn't speak.

It was an expression he had been unable to get out of his dreams. The sheer horror in Sam's eyes as she made her all-too-quick trip to the edge. Daniel had dove for her, but was nowhere near close enough to reach her. If he had, he realized soon after, he would have just ended up over the side with her. The realization would have done nothing to stop him from doing it again.

There was a similar recognition of the moment in her eyes.

"Daniel?" Jack said. They both broke out of the moment.

She quickly looked away. "I'm ok. I'm ok."

He watched her try to stand. Her legs fumbled beneath her and she was soon back on her knees. The shaking in her limbs was unmistakeable.

"Allow me to assist her," the other alien said, shrugging at its bonds. He reached out for the zip tie.

"Daniel," Jack repeated, this time in warning.

Daniel didn't even look at Jack, and reached for Sam. It had to be Sam. "Then I'll help her."

"We need everyone ready in case more of those things come," Jack countered.

"It's one or the other."

Jack shook his head. "I hope you know what you're doing."

As Daniel cut the plastic with his knife, one of the other aliens spoke. Even though he didn't understand a word of it, the tone of protest was clear.

"Hey!" Jack snapped curtly, pointing at the offender. "Zip it."

His tone appeared to translate equally well, and it was silent again. He would have freed Sam's hands too, if he thought he could get away with it. The alien shook her freed hands briefly, then pulled Sam up until they both were standing. Then it looked over at Jack, cocking its head slightly. Daniel thought he saw a challenge. Jack shook his head and they continued to the gate.

Motion quickly resumed in the fringes, but this group of animals was more wary. They remained at a distance. When they got to the stargate, and activated the wormhole, Daniel heard the uzna'a scatter.

"SG-1 to SGC," Jack said into his radio as they all stood around anxiously. Daniel could tell the aliens were confused why they hadn't yet gone through. There was a few moments of silence.

"We read you, Colonel. You're not scheduled to return for another twelve hours." General Hammond's voice broke the stillness.

"Yes, sir. We have," Jack paused, turning back to look at the aliens, "a little situation."

"What sort of situation?" Daniel frowned at Hammond's questioning tone.

"A rather complex situation. Best discussed on base. There's just one thing. We're going to be bringing back some company."

"Colonel?"

"It's a long story."

There was a silence. "Very well, you're cleared to return. I hope you know what you're doing, Colonel."

"Yes, sir," Jack said, continuing quietly after disengaging his radio. "Me, too."

_**Rutaluen**_

Jack supposed the company that Hammond envisioned was entirely different than what passed through the stargate. Wide eyes locked on the aliens. Even the SFs inside the gate room were slackjawed as they had their guns trained. Jack saw the surprise on the General's face. Which quickly turned into a scowl.

"General, I respectfully suggest that our friends be taken to holding room three."

Hammond gave a small nod. "Briefing room. Now."

They were all barely through the door before Hammond spoke again. "Now you had better have a damn good reason why I just allowed six unknown aliens entrance to this base."

For perhaps the first time in his career, Jack tried to think of a tactful response. "Well, sir..."

"One of them is Sam," Daniel said.

"Claims to be," Jack amended. "One of them claims to be Carter."

"Jack..."

"Enough," Hammond said sharply. Jack winced at the stare they both received. He watched the General's brow furrow heavily. "Just what exactly are you trying to say?"

There was no short answer. So they explained the whole encounter. The attack. The adamant declaration by the one that she was human. Was Sam. And her own admission of having virtually no memory.

Hammond was silent for the entire report, processing. "You believe these aliens?"

"Yes," Daniel said instantly.

Teal'c cocked his head slightly. "Their story is plausible."

All three of them looked at Jack. He suppressed the urge to swallow.

"I don't _not_ believe it," he said slowly. Daniel's eyes narrowed. Jack broke. "Oh, come on, it is a bit far fetched, don't ya think?"

"She called you sir," Daniel said.

Jack's chest tightened, making him angry. While the voice had given him pause, the tone had been eerie. But he couldn't let go of months of mourning, not without some real proof. Even then, the implications didn't sit well with him. This was not the sort of reunion he would have hoped for.

A healthy skepticism seemed to be his best defense.

_**Rutaluen**_

Their restraints were removed one by one. The door shut. Not a cell, she knew, but more an interrogation room. No windows for the guards to look in from. There was no real need, it wasn't as if they could get into any mischief in that small room.

Except that Grahas took the opportunity to slam her against the wall before she could react. He held her shoulders painfully tight, fully flared and extremely angry. "I am done with this."

"Let her go!" Vanara reached for him, but Grahas batted her hands aside and resumed his death grip. She watched Vanara glare at the back of his head, but she remained still. None of the others made a move to help.

But Rutaluen had had more than enough of his temper. "You're the one who decided to charge into that field."

He slammed her against the wall again with a heavy grunt. When her brain stopped rattling, she continued. "I was trying to save your life."

"Only that we may be killed here, instead."

"No," she argued.

"I am done listening to you," he said.

"Really? When have you ever?"

She knew it was a mistake even as she said it. Grahas roared, squaring a shoulder before pistoning forward with all of his weight. She tried to dodge, but there was nowhere for her to go. The lewd snapping of ribs echoed sharply. Air shot out of her lungs with a short squeak. The room spiraled into dizzying color. She staggered briefly before collapsing, the door opening with a crash and the room disolving into chaos.

Rutaluen tried to speak, but couldn't so much as breathe.

By the time it ended, she could make out words again. Teal'c's heavy tone pierced through her fog. "Inform this one that if it continues to resist, I will be forced to cause it bodily harm."

She could tell that Teal'c wouldn't have minded the excuse. Grahas snarled.

"Acquiesce," Vanara said sharply, her voice hard. "As much as I'd like to see this one break you in two."

Grahas snorted heavily several times, but she didn't hear more fighting.

"Are you ok?" She heard Daniel's voice beside her. The colors had started to settle back into shapes. Her reply was lost in a shuddering wheeze.

"Get them out of here. Double the guard, and do _not_ let them out of your sight." Barely contained outrage threaded through the southern drawl.

"Please," Vanara said, "allow me to remain."

"Colonel?"

"That one's been cooperative. So far."

After a few moments, Vanara rolled her onto her back.

"Is she ok?" Daniel asked.

Rutaluen managed a breathless reply. "Just need a minute."

Vanara touched Rutaluen's chest, receiving a sharp gasp. "I do not believe the damage is threatening."

"Should've let you shoot the bastard," Rutaluen said. Whether he simply didn't understand what she had done, or didn't care, she couldn't tell. And somehow doubted the distinction would matter much to Grahas, either.

"What the hell was that?" Jack said.

Vanara spoke, leaving one hand resting on Rutaluen's shoulder. "Grahas is dissatisfied with the..." Vanara paused as she tried to think of a suitable word. Gave up. "Situation. He believes the blame for this rests with Rutaluen."

Her breathing had returned to something almost normal. With a sharp flare to punctuate each movement. Vanara helped her to sit up.

Jack stepped forward. "Ok, if you are Carter, and all this stuff happened like you're saying it did, there's something that doesn't jive for me. SG teams have been back and forth on that world for a long time now. So why the hell have we seen nothing of you guys until now?"

"We only come to that world when we require more mata'le," Vanara said. Vanara's head twisted, puzzled. "Why do you take so much of it?"

Daniel frowned. "You mean that plant? It takes a large quantity to refine into anything meaningful. But we've replanted, they'll come back."

Vanara snorted contemptuously, speaking in Talare. "Rutaluen, are your people really this foolish?"

"Hey," she replied, earning a small laugh from the woman. When she noticed the stares, she cleared her throat awkwardly. And shrugged.

"You just happened to be in the right place at the right time?" Hammond said. At Vanara's slightly confused stare, he continued. "Why don't you tell us what happened?"


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Well, here's the next part. As always, thanks to all those who are reading.**

_They had been standing in the field, carefully stripping the leaves of the mata'le. With practiced ease, Vanara slit the side from base to tip with a small knife, allowing the slender leaf to be peeled open like a book. The flatter form she rolled up tightly and placed in her bag. And proceeded to repeat the process._

_Explosions sounded in the distance. She pulled her knife up defensively as the air echoed around her. The sky was bright and clear, not even a cloud could be seen. The torrent of noise couldn't have sounded for more than seconds, but in that time it was near constant. When it ended, for a time all they could do was look back and forth at each other._

_"There is no storm." Rouva gripped his pike tightly._

_Grahas sniffed thoughtfully as his eyes scanned the terrain. "No storm sounds like that."_

_"Explosions."_

_"Explosions of what, Vanara?" Grahas said._

_"We should find out," she replied._

_Mauk's tail quivered. "Is that wise?"_

_Vanara and Grahas both gave him a disapproving stare. Mauk sank back._

_It was further away than any of them had guessed. She started to think they wouldn't find any signs of the disturbance. But what could have possibly caused such a noise? There was nothing on the planet that came close to accounting for it. They reached the base of the valley, where the steep wall of earth rose sharply. It ran for miles, and if their culprit had been above, it would take some time to reach it. Grahas had suggested they search the area more thoroughly first, and they had split up._

_"Come!" To'as said not long after. His frantic tone had them all rushing over._

_Vanara stopped short, blinking heavily at the sight before her. The dark green, almost black, blood of the uzna'a puddled thickly on the rocky ground. Its corpse was mangled almost beyond recognition. Patches of hide had been torn away, bones shattered. Plainly dead._

_But their attention was focused on the smaller creature laying on top. Its own blood matted the uzna'a's fur, pooling on top of the corpse. The clothes it wore were ripped and torn like the body of the uzna'a, and revealed that they had done nothing to protect the creature from similar damage._

_Vanara looked up the sharp slope, tracing their descent. Smears of blood and disturbed rocks and dirt made it easy to see the path their bodies had taken._

_"What is it?"_

_"How am I to know?" Vanara said to Mauk's question. It was much smaller than any of them, but the general form was identical. No tail, and pale flesh that looked as though it tore as easy as paper. Physically, it didn't stand out in any meaningful way. The shock of blond hair on its head was almost entirely obscured by the gore._

_There was a hiss of air, so low as to have been missed if it wasn't for the utter stillness around them._

_Rouva could barely speak. "It lives?"_

_"Impossible," Grahas said. Vanara moved forward slowly, making him snarl. "What are you doing?"_

_She ignored him, bringing her hand up to the creature's face. Only barely feeling the warm rustle of air against her skin. "It breathes."_

_"Perhaps we should end its suffering?" Mauk said._

_Vanara hissed. "It may yet live."_

_"You don't mean to bring it back." Grahas was incredulous. She had already begun to bind the wounds with strips of her own bag. Trying to stem the flow of blood as best she could._

_"You don't mean to leave it here?" she returned. "It is our duty to render aid if we are able."_

_"You don't know it's intentions for being here."_

_"Nor do you."_

_Grahas stopped arguing only because it wasted time, and they were both fully aware she wouldn't be dissuaded. Vanara refused to turn a blind eye. It wasn't what they stood for. Time was of the essence, so she picked up the creature as carefully as she could manage._

_The total lack of response was disheartening. They went to the ring with all haste._

Vanara told her story, occasionally looking to Rutaluen for translations. She could see how it affected the other woman to listen. The alien mannerisms had become easier for her to identify over time, and Vanara could clearly see the tension now. Rutaluen knew what had happened, but had never heard it in such detail. Looking to the humans before her, all sitting around the table, she could see similar body language. The dark skinned man was harder to read, staring at Vanara as though he could see within. She met his gaze.

"So it's just a fluke that we never saw you when we came back with help," Daniel said.

Vanara sensed the hurt in his voice. "It would seem so."

"Why do this?" Jack broke the terse silence, waving a hand at Rutaluen.

"I do not understand." Vanara blinked. It was easy to see the man's anger, she just didn't understand why. She didn't see Rutaluen's wide-eyed expression beside her.

"You brought Carter back to your world to, what, make her one of you guys? What the hell for?"

Vanara licked her lips briefly, resisting the urge to stand. "It was not our intention to interfere with your death rituals."

"This has nothing to do with death rituals," Jack said.

"Stop it." Rutaluen's voice was soft.

"Colonel." Hammond warned.

"I want to hear what she has to say," Jack said.

"Sir..."

His reply was as automatic as hers. "Stand down, Major."

Vanara watched Rutaluen and was surprised when the woman remained silent. Her expression spoke volumes, though. What was she witnessing, Vanara wondered?

"Well?" Jack prompted. She almost forgot his original question.

"It seemed the best chance to preserve Rutaluen's life."

"Could you not have repaired the physical damage to her body?" Teal'c asked.

Vanara cocked her head. "You would have us try to heal a form to which we have no knowledge? I have no doubt she would not exist now had we made the attempt."

"But shoving her into another body, now that's cake?"

"It was not without its own risks..."

"Obviously," Jack said wryly. "And you just did all of this out of the goodness of your hearts."

"It was a contentious issue. For some, yes. Others advocated neutrality. Some feared your people may be a danger."

"So, interrogate her some before you let her go?"

Vanara spoke before Rutaluen could object again. She could guess the general meaning of interrogate, and was furious at the implication. "Rutaluen was free to leave when she wished."

Daniel tried to diffuse the situation. "If you knew we had been on the other planet, why didn't you just return sooner?"

"We still do not know your intentions." She stared at Jack pointedly. "It was decided to wait and hope that you would finish whatever you came for and be gone before we returned."

"That's enough." Hammond spoke before Jack could respond. "Emotions are high and we've been at this for some time now. We'll continue this in the morning."

_**Rutaluen**_

Sam sat back on the bed that had been added to the observation room, leaning against the wall behind her. It was becoming increasingly easier to think of herself as such. She eyed the food on the table, barely touched. Between her mood and the tight throbbing of her chest, she didn't feel much like eating. There was far too much going on in her head.

Vanara had gone to the others, allowing Sam blissful solitude. Her eyes closed as her thoughts wandered. Daniel believed her, that was easy to see. Teal'c wasn't far behind. The General seemed mostly confused. Jack... his reactions cancelled out. It was hard for her to figure. Did he believe she was Sam, and just assumed nefarious intentions from the Talare? But, it didn't quite fit, she felt as though at least some of the anger were directed at her.

What had she done to deserve it?

Now she was getting mad again, herself. Frustrated. With a heap of guilt that the others were being held here with her. What would the Talare do now that they were missing? Were they searching the planet even now? She had tried to talk to Hammond, to get him to return the others. While he seemed honestly apologetic, it was soon clear he would do no such thing. She tried to shove it out of her mind for the time being.

Somewhere between consciousness and sleep, she could almost see them. All seated around a table much bigger than where they had just been talking. Could almost see Jack's glazed eyes as she spoke. But she couldn't call up the specific words, the specific instances. Straining, she tried. Willed herself to remember. Sighed when she couldn't.

The slight sound of movement caught her attention. Sam frowned to herself a moment, wondering who felt the need to disturb her now. She was in no mood for company.

"Can't this wait?" She snapped the words out before bothering to look. The new face behind the glass took her by surprise, and all she could do was stare. Also silent, the woman did much the same.

It was right there, so close she could reach out and graze the edge of a thought. A name. Emotion crushed her chest with a different sort of ache. Not knowing what else to do with herself, she stood up. And waited for something.

But, it seemed, the woman was waiting, too. Silent and still, long minutes passed as they both simply stood. When Sam saw the tears starting to form, it cut her to the core.

"Don't cry," she pleaded.

"Why not?"

"I don't want you to."

A brow raised. "You remember?"

Sam wanted to say yes, if only to comfort her. "Nothing specific."

"I guess it was foolish to hope for."

Did that mean what she thought? "You believe me?"

"Is there a reason I shouldn't?" A challenge.

"Probably more reasons than you should." She spoke with a sigh, starting to pace.

The laugh gave her more comfort than it should. "Frustrated much?"

"Excuse me?" Sam stopped.

"God, how is this even possible?" The woman pulled forward a chair from against the wall behind her and sat.

"Well, thoughts are nothing more than electrical impulses in the synapses of the brain. Theoretically all you need to do is find a suitably analogous structure to..." She trailed off when she heard the sob the woman bit back. Wrung her hands nervously. "Damn it, what did I say?"

It quickly dissolved into unrestrained laughter, and Sam was thorougly woman smiled. "So, it is you."

"Really? Just like that?" She sat down too and scrubbed both hands over her face. "Well, I really wish someone would have told me that sooner, I could have saved myself hours of grief."

The woman quickly sobered. "It's not that easy, Sam. It's been months. The Colonel, Daniel, Teal'c, they saw you go down that face. We _all_ saw the blood. As far as we knew, you were dead. That's... You don't just get past that."

Unable to look at the display of emotion in front of her, Sam turned to the floor. She hadn't thought of it before. How did you wonder what people thought or felt when you didn't even know who they were? And since seeing them again, when had she ever had the time? It was easier to see their reactions when colored through grief.

The rest of it, well, she just had to look down to get that. It was an alien body that not even she was really used to. When she had merely been surrounded by the Talare, it had been far easier not to think about it at all. But ever since returning to Earth, she had felt horribly naked, horribly wrong. Saw glimpses in the others of much the same thing. Had seen it even now.

"Janet, I don't..." Sam stopped, blinked several times, and looked up. "Woah."

Janet looked at her with equal surprise. "Yeah, woah. You remember something?"

"Not really. It just... came out." And straining didn't bring forward anything else. The heavy sigh made her wince sharply.

"How's the chest?"

"I'll live." She grimaced at her choice of words. "Sorry."

Janet gave an awkward smile. "I should let you get some rest. Been a hell of a day."

"Yeah, sure."

She watched Janet leave before laying back on the bed, staring up into the ceiling.

_**Rutaluen**_

Teal'c stood by the briefing room table, staring at the others assembled. Jack, Daniel, and Janet also stood. The night had not been restful for any of them, and even he had found it difficult to fall into any meaningful meditation. Everyone was desperate for a resolution, a definitive answer to the situation at hand.

"I agree with Daniel, that's definitely Sam," Janet said.

Teal'c eyed her, though personally he agreed. She was aware of the situation, but had not been at any of the questionings personally. "How can you be so certain of her identity?"

"I saw her last night," she said. Janet shook her head. "It has to be her. No one else could come close to being so... Sam."

"Her mannerisms and inflections are uncanny," Teal'c said. The body language between her and the other aliens were in stark contrast. And her inflection, she spoke and understood with all the subtleties of someone from Earth. Unlike the one she had supposedly been teaching their language.

Jack was silent, and they all turned to him. Waiting for him to voice his opinion. He seemed to be coming around to the idea that the alien was Sam, but he was still heavily conflicted. Teal'c wondered what it was that he couldn't seem to put aside.

"You really don't think it's Sam?" Daniel said.

"I think it's a raw deal."

Daniel shook his head. "What would you have us do about it?"

"I don't know." Jack sighed. "I just don't like it."

"At present we must endeavor to sufficiently prove that this is indeed Major Carter. Then a course of action can be determined," Teal'c said. They had to deal with one thing at a time. And first was making sure that the President and Joint Chiefs were satisfied. All the rest would follow.

"Ok," Jack said. "WIth no memory, how do we go about that?"

There was a long silence as they all contemplated the question. It wasn't a simple problem, almost any sort of standard test was off the table. Teal'c couldn't think of any truly viable option.

Janet frowned, deep in thought. "She was talking about thought patterns. Maybe an EEG or other test could show some similarity with what we have on file. But, I doubt any findings would constitute actual proof on their own."

"But it would help," Daniel said.

"Possibly."

Teal'c studied the star map along Hammond's office, where the General was currently on the phone. "Perhaps the memories are not permanently lost to her."

"She has started to remember some small things. It may just be a matter of time," Janet said.

"How much time?" Daniel looked uncomfortable. "And what do we do, keep her locked up until she does remember?"

"I'd rather not have to do that," Hammond said as he came out of his office. They all turned to the General. "But for now, I don't see a way around it."

"What of the aliens that have accompanied her, General Hammand? Would not forced incarceration be detrimental to any further assistance?"

"Oh, I think they've done enough, T. Don't you?" Jack crossed his arms.

Daniel ignored Jack's quip. "We should let them go back. A gesture of good faith. It's pretty obvious that at least some of them don't want to be here."

"I agree," Hammond said. Then he sobered even more. "Any ideas on how to definitively ascertain Major Carter's identity?"

"We can try mapping impulses and brain wave patterns, but I wouldn't call it definitive. We're talking about two foreign structures, a human brain and an alien brain. There are going to be significant differences, I don't see any logical way around that." Janet bit her lip nervously.

"But it's worth a try," Hammond said.

"Yes, sir."

_**Rutaluen**_

Sam stood in the gate room beside Vanara. Grahas and the others were standing on the other side, under careful guard. He stared at her vehemently before Sam turned away. The stargate spun behind them, connecting to the Talare world.

"I must admit, your people are not at all what I had expected," Vanara said. "It is unsettling."

Sam frowned. "You have to see things from their side."

"Perhaps. You will be ok here?"

"This is where I belong." They both looked up as the stargate came to life in a brilliant explosion.

Grahas wasted no time moving up the ramp, To'as and Mauk quick to follow. He turned sharply in front of the event horizion. "They will hear everything. Shara'le will hear everything."

Grahas was gone before she could even think to respond. Rouva stopped at the base of the ramp, appearing conflicted. "I wish you success with your endeavors, Rutaluen."

They both watched as he passed through the stargate. Vanara touched Sam's arm, and when she turned Vanara took the back of Sam's neck and touched their foreheads together briefly.

"Do not worry," Vanara assured her, "they _will_ hear everything."

Sam closed her eyes as she nodded. "Thank you."

She stood there even after the stargate disengaged. Someone came down from the control room and Sam turned to see Daniel enter.

"So what's the plan for today?" she asked.

"Tests," he said merrily, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Janet should be pretty much set up by now."

"Lucky me." Sam mimicked his overly-jubilant tone.

She followed him to the infirmary. Listened as Janet explained what tests they were going to run. Hoping to find enough similarities. It didn't take her long to realize how unlikely it was to help. But at this point, what else did she really have?

Daniel stood nearby as Janet attached the leads. "Remember anything else?"

Sam blinked at the question and tried not to scoff. Whatever had come to her had been small, fleeting. A name here, a feeling there. None of it amounted to anything of real value. Especially when she there was so much more that simply wasn't coming to her.

"Nothing to write home about."

"I'm sorry," Daniel replied to her obvious frustration.

Janet looked up from behind the EEG console. "Maybe you're trying too hard?"

Sam almost stood up from where she sat on the side of the bed before she remembered herself and all the wires around her. "You'd think after all this time I'd be able to, I don't know, actually _recall_ something."

"Memories are a tricky thing," Janet said.

She shook her head slowly at Janet. As true as it may be, it wasn't comforting.

"Recall." Daniel echoed the word to himself. He looked off to some random point on the wall. Sam watched the wheels turning.

"What?"

"Well, I mean if only there was a way to give you a bit of a boost..." His tone made it obvious he was being more than merely hypothetical or wistful.

"Daniel," Janet said.

Daniel continued, making show of thinking. "Some way of, perhaps, aiding in the recall of certain memories."

Though she stared at Daniel, Sam could see Janet's expression out of the corner of her eye. Recognition of wherever his thought was going. Sam wasn't on the same page yet. She frowned at him.

"A device of some sort." Daniel raised a brow, waiting to see.

There was a flash of recognition. "Memory recall device."

After a moment of surprise, Daniel smiled. "See, there may be more there than you think."

Janet stepped forward, frowning. "I hate to wreck the mood, but that may not be wise."

"Why?" Daniel said.

"The memory recall device was designed for use on human physiology. There's no way to be sure what kind of effect it might have."

Sam shook her head, heedless of the equipment. "I don't care."

"Sam."

"No, Janet. I am sick of waiting. That is all I have been doing. I need to know exactly what is still up there in my head." Sam's voice grew sharper as she spoke. She took a breath to calm herself down. "Besides, the fact that I am here proves there has to be a fair amount of physiological similarities."

Janet still showed reservation, but she didn't respond.

Daniel gave a small nod. "Ok, I'll go tell the others and we'll contact the Tok'ra."


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Random aside, I love the host/symbiote dynamic. So, yeah, this story really is just barely started. Not sure how long it's going to be in all, but I'm not even close to any of the key plot points I have envisioned. Sometimes I wish I could just throw away all the setup and go straight to the actiony boom-boom-pow stuff. But I digest...**

Selmak observed silently as Jacob sifted through their supplies, preparing for their imminent return into Bastet's court. Let him check each item a second, and even a third, time. Felt the stiffness of his movements. Heard the thick blankness of his mind as he did an amazing job of pushing away all thoughts save for the task at hand. Grief had hit both of them with an iron fist.

She had lost many children, various family, by proxy of her hosts. Numbers did not make the situation any easier. Perhaps the opposite, if anything. She felt each loss keenly, and they seemed to draw upon each other to form a compounding ache. But, the memory of their lives, their spirits, was something she would not wish to forget.

Samantha had been one of the hardest for Selmak to deal with, and not merely from the raw hurt Jacob felt at any thought or mention of her. Selmak had come to know Samantha well for herself, not simply through the memories and impressions of her father. With or without Jacob, she knew she would have felt a burning respect for this human. For her wisdom, determination, and morality. Traits that father and daughter shared quite closely.

_I'm trying to work here._ Jacob's thoughts were sharp in her mind. She shrugged off the reprimand. His way of coping was displacement, and it did not suit her.

**You know I feel no less strongly than you.**

The communication device was shoved in the pack with more force than was strictly necessary. Selmak sighed inwardly. Jacob was stubborn. It was a trait she respected within her hosts. And she had been fortunate to have so many of such strong will. If she was indeed among the wisest Tok'ra, it was only because of them. Many humans, she knew, would often defer to their symbiote. Such a relationship was a bit too close to that of the Goa'uld for her liking. A Tok'ra, Selmak firmly believed, was only as good as the hosts it had inhabited.

It was good to be challenged. To see the perspective from one whose life was but a brief spark. It reminded her of the fragile nature of things, the ephemeral quality of the moment. The depth of emotion. It was far too easy for the symbiote to elevate itself above all others. To lose the reverence for life she felt was vital to existence.

This, too, is why she embraced the pain of loss so strongly. Selmak's greatest fear lay in no longer feeling the sting. On that day, she would no longer truly be Tok'ra.

She could only hope that she never lived long enough to see it.

_I'm not ready yet._ Jacob's thought was as close to an apology as he was willing to give. She could respect that, and give him time. For now.

She chuckled in his head, bemused with her own frustration. **And this is the double-edged blade of the strong-willed host. They are stubborn even when you do not wish it.**

"You wouldn't have it any other way," Jacob said aloud.

**Certainly not.**

Finally satisfied with their supplies, Jacob closed the pack. He left the room to have one last word with Garshaw before going on their way.

"Jacob." He turned to regard the Tok'ra coming down the corridor behind him. The man gave a small bow of his head in greeting. Jacob returned the gesture.

"Serys, what is it?" Jacob said.

Serys gave a slight frown. "We have received a message from the Tau'ri. They wish to speak with you."

And Selmak understood the Tok'ra's hesistation. Ever since Samantha had passed, she and Jacob had had little to do with Earth. He wished to avoid the potent reminder. As of yet, Selmak had no good excuse to ignore his wishes.

"What about?"

Serys drew his host's, Taren's, features in aprehension. "I am uncertain. General Hammond merely wished to speak directly with you. He only said the matter was of some importance."

**Be easy on the boy.** Selmak warned. Jacob would have pressed the issue, but at her insistence he took a deep breath.

"Ok," Jacob said, his reply meant for both her and the man before him. "I'll be right there."

When Jacob entered the communications room, Garshaw turned to him. He could see Hammond's features on the display. The General looked rather uncomfortable.

"Selmak, Jacob," Garshaw said with a nod. As much in greeting as to notify Hammond that they had arrived. "I shall allow you some privacy."

With a curious frown, Jacob watched as she left the room. The Tok'ra that usually manned the post had already disappeared.

**Curious.** Selmak thought. They were both puzzled.

"George," Jacob said cautiously as he stepped into view of the other man.

"It's good to see you, Jacob."

Without knowing why the other man was calling, Jacob wasn't so sure he agreed. Selmak chided him, and he gritted his teeth slightly. "Likewise. I'm busy, George, I was on my way out."

"Garshaw informed me. I'm glad I caught you first."

It sounded as if he was stalling. Selmak never knew the General to be so hesitant. She, too, was starting to grow uneasy. Jacob stared at the man, impatient.

"What's going on?"

"Well, there's been some recent developments on P3C-670..."

The flash of anger was hot and heady. It almost caught Selmak off guard, but she managed to take control before Jacob could start yelling at the man. The last thing he wanted to hear about was the place where Samantha had died. Selmak held her own resentment.

**He would not tear at wounds without cause.** Her logic did little to deflect his raw emotion.

"General Hammond," Selmak said, her tone much calmer than she felt, "please come to the point. Neither of us are amused."

"I'm sorry, things are a bit complicated, and there's no easy way to say this. The short story though, is that Major Carter is alive."

Selmak blinked. Neither she nor Jacob could form a coherent thought for several long moments. They had both read the reports. Been to the world themselves. And had both agreed, as painful as it had been to admit, that Samantha was dead.

_Alive?_ Jacob's thought was pure disbelief. Selmak shared the feeling, she couldn't possibly see how.

"Samantha survived?"

Hammond shifted, weighing his words before he spoke. "In a manner of speaking."

Jacob retook control, slightly frantic. "Damn it, George, stop being cryptic."

"An alien race found her while SG-1 was returning with a search party. They took her to another world where, apparently, they put her consciousness into another body."

Another silence as they tried to process. But there were far too many pieces. Found by aliens that hadn't been detected on the planet? Taken away without being seen? And returned only now, after so long?

"How is that even possible?" It was the only coherent question they could come up with. Jacob looked to the nearby chair, contemplated using it, and remained standing.

Hammond shook his head. "Honestly, I don't even know."

"I'm on my way to the stargate."

"Wait," Hammond said as Jacob turned towards the exit. "We need you to bring something."

"George?"

Hammond sighed. "Like I said before, it's complicated."

_**Rutaluen**_

Sam stood at the bottom of the ramp with the others. It was difficult to stand still, to not shift from foot to foot. Not only at the implications of the device he was bringing, but at the idea of seeing her father. Wondering what he would think. Yes, General Hammond had given him a brief overview of the situation. But how would he react when he finally came through? The possibilities left her nervous.

Not for the first time, she looked down at herself and felt horribly underdressed.

The stargate rippled, and before long the surface gave a heavy slurp as Jacob stepped through. He stopped immediately at the top of the ramp. His eyes scanned through the assembled group. Stopped on hers. Sam couldn't breathe, nor could she look away. The stargate disengaged, leaving the room in silence.

Jacob's eyes ran over her. Taking in every detail, she was acutely aware. And, she figured, comparing them to the daughter he thought he had lost. Knowing she didn't, couldn't compare only left her feeling more naked. Inadequate. Nervous.

Unable to remain still any longer, she shifted, rubbing anxiously at her neck. Sam had to clear her throat before the words would come out. "Um, hi, dad."

He blinked, shaking his head slightly to clear the fog. Jacob's brow furrowed slightly, apprehensive. "Sam?"

"Yeah." She didn't know what else to say.

His head bowed briefly as the Tok'ra took over. Sam watched as he slowly came to the bottom of the ramp, setting the case he carried at the bottom. Selmak's tone was equally stunned. "You must forgive us. Jacob and I had never expected to see you again."

To see even Selmak fighting so hard against emotion took away what was left of her voice. Sam could only watch as his hand came up to the side of her face. The contact shocked her, and she flinched slightly, it was the first true touch she had received from anyone except the Talare.

Instead of being comforting, that realization left her overwhelmingly sad.

"I'm sorry," Selmak said to whatever reflected in Sam's eyes, removing her hand.

Sam swallowed. "It's ok."

The Tok'ra gave her a nervous smile, then glanced at Hammond. "Though I must admit, when General Hammond told us that you had been given another body, this is not quite what we had envisioned."

"That makes two of us," Sam muttered.

"We have a room set up," Hammond said. Sam was glad to get out of the public area.

Jacob was in control again, nodding. "Let's go."

Sam entered the room with her father, SG-1, and Janet. The General excused himself to deal with briefings, and Sam suspected also for her benefit. There were already plenty of witnesses for reports, anyways. The room had no windows, no glassed observation areas, and most importantly, no cameras. For some semblance of privacy. The recall device wasn't selective with the memories it provoked. It could be guided only to a degree. Especially since she didn't know exactly what she was looking for, Sam couldn't be sure exactly what could come up. And for the sake of what they were trying to do, the visual display would be used.

But she'd rather be embarrassed than ignorant.

Janet eyed her as she set up the monitoring equipment. Sam knew the other woman still had reservations, but her mind was already firmly made up. She had seen similar looks coming from her father. Jacob knew as well as anyone how useless it would be to try to talk her out of it, and thankfully didn't even try. She had offered him a small nod of thanks after. No one spoke while the preparations were made.

Sam sat down in the chair that had been set up. She shifted until her tail no longer pinched.

Jacob placed the memory recall device against her temple. Sam winced as it connected through the soft tissue underneath. She glanced over to where her team stood, and noted each one had their own look of discomfort. Jack rolled on the balls of his feet.

"Ok." Sam turned back to her father as he spoke. "We're going to start with a low setting. Ease into it. We'll start with something you can already remember. What's the first thing you remember after..."

She could only nod as he trailed off. Knowing the subject was hard for everyone in the room, Sam purposely kept her eyes on the table where the screen had been set up. Her eyes closed as Jacob activated the device with a brief circle of the control wand. Willed herself back to those confusing moments.

_For an indeterminable time she floated in darkness. Undescribable heaviness dragged at her, as though she was weighed down with the force of an entire planet. Eventually, sensation spread. A dull throbbing in her head. The more she contemplated the confines of her existence, the sharper the pain became. As though the mere act of thought hurt. Heavy ache. Sharp throb. In the darkness, this was her entire world._

_The pain began to subside slowly. All too slowly. But as it eased, she started to notice noise. Intermittent. WIth rises and falls of frequency and tone. There was a comforting familiarity to it. But she was still too far away to really contemplate the whats or whys or hows. She merely listened, let the cadence flow through her. Lull her._

_About the same time she realized that it was speech, she also realized that she didn't understand it._

_Panic took her. She knew then that something was wrong. And in knowing that, the darkness was no longer acceptable. The overwhelming heaviness still grabbed at her. She had the idea to open her eyes, but the concept felt foreign to her. As though she hadn't the slightest clue of how to go about it._

_The struggle went on for an eternity. When her eyes did open, her brain didn't acknowledge it for some time. Shapes and colors seemed to bleed slowly into her vision. Even after the shapes coalesced, none of it meant anything to her for another eternity._

_At some point, the voices stopped._

_She blinked slowly, incapable of anything else. The two creatures came into view and kneeled beside her. She watched them in the edge of her vision. Helpless, she was terribly afraid. Would have screamed if she were able._

_The one in the flowing robe spoke. To her. But the words were still meaningless. Its skin was a dark blue, faintly mottled with lighter patches. The other one was more turquoise, and much more naked. It spoke similar meaningless words. Then cocked its head._

_Somehow, she worked her mouth. The two words left her horridly drained. "Don't understand."_

_Turquoise turned to Blue and spoke. After a brief reply, Blue closed its eyes. When they opened, Blue spoke once more. Though the same incomprehensible words came out, she felt something in the back of her mind. A faint whisper._

_"Rest. Your body is shocked."_

_Confusion reignited her fear. "What..."_

_Blue's hand came down, rested on her shoulder. "You are among friends. Rest now, there is nothing to fear."_

Sam gasped slightly as the device was deactivated. A residual chill streaked along her spine. For a moment all she could do was blink.

"Are you ok?" Jacob said with concern.

"Yeah," Sam replied breathlessly. "I just... Yeah."

"Anyone else see what I saw?" Jack said. Sam turned, saw Daniel nod slightly and Teal'c eye the screen that was blank once more. Janet frowned.

"Sir?" There was still a bit of fog in her brain she had a hard time shaking.

Jack shook his head in disbelief. "Those guys were speaking gibberish. And then, they weren't. How's that?"

Sam knew he would take issue with her answer. And knew there was no way around it. So she merely ripped off the band-aid.

"Shara'le is telepathic."

The collective wide-eyed stare was almost gratifying.

"They can read minds?" Daniel said.

"No. Just her."

Janet shook her head. "How?"

"I don't know," Sam said.

"You never asked?" Jack cocked an eyebrow at her.

"I asked, she didn't say."

He seemed dissatisfied with the answer. But she had hardly been in a position to pry, and specifics hadn't really been important.

Sam turned back to Jacob, frustrated. "Can we move on now?"

"All right. I'm keeping the setting low. For now." He added the last piece when Sam frowned.

"Fine."

Jacob gave her a tight smile. "Try to relax, ok?"

But she couldn't really. He barely reactivated the device before the memory spilled out.

_Gra'has blinked heavily. "What is your purpose here?"_

_"I don't have a purpose here." She turned to walk away. It had already become clear what Gra'has thought of her._

_"You remember nothing?"_

_"No." She replied without even turning around._

_"Not even the location of your world?"_

_She sighed. "No."_

_"Unfortunate. I would be happy to see you leave."_

Sam shook out of the memory. A little upset that it had taken her by surprise.

"Ever the charmer, that guy," Jack said.

The easy way he fell into his usual digs almost made her smile. "Yes, sir."

_"Pretty," Jack rolling valleys of P3C-670, taken by the UAV, sprawled out on the projector. Sam watched his fingers tap along the briefing room table._

_"But?" she prompted coyly. While majestic, she knew the scene was not enough to pique his interest in the planet._

_He waved his hand dismissively at the image. "There's nothing there."_

_"There are, in fact, plants, O'Neill." Teal'c raised a brow. Sam fought back a snicker._

_Jack fixed her a warning glare._

_"We've got plenty of plants here. You want to see some flowers, Teal'c, I'll take you to the Botanical Gardens."_

_Daniel smiled. "You don't see it, do you?"_

_"Oh, I see it," Jack said. "I just don't see its relevence."_

_"They're fields, Jack."_

_"Yeah."_

_Sam decided to give him a break. "Man-made fields, sir."_

_"Oh." He cocked his head as he studied the image. "Could use a landscaper."_

_"Yes, sir. It's likely that no one's been to the planet in a long time. Certainly not to tend the crops."_

_"But?" Jack returned with his own coy smile._

_Sam shook her head. "Well, someone wouldn't have gone through the trouble of planting them if they didn't have some sort of value."_

_Jack nodded. "They are pretty."_

_"And faintly radioactive," Sam said._

_"Now, see, Carter, I'd put that as a con."_

_"Sir, the levels aren't anywhere near dangerous. But it is interesting."_

_"You would know."_

There was a silence as the image faded. Sam stared ahead, uncomfortable. It was hard to watch the easy banter about an upcoming mission after knowing what it had cost. If anything, it only seemed to drive home how much things had changed.

Jack's easy tone was noticeably forced. "In retrospect, not all that interesting."

Sam was inclined to agree.

_**Rutaluen**_

Deciding it was time for a break, Jacob finally found himself alone with his daughter. He watched as Sam paced the room restlessly. Frowned at her previous statement.

"What do you mean you're not done? I think we have everything we need."

She shook her head. "It's not just about proving who I am. It's about remembering who I am."

**I wonder where she gets her stubbornness from?**

_Not helping._ He warned Selmak.

**Do you truly believe you can change her mind?**

_That's not the point._

Selmak wasn't phased. **Do you truly believe you should?**

_This could be dangerous. Just because nothing has happened yet doesn't mean it won't._

**She is a grown woman capable of making her own decisions.**

_She's emotional._ Jacob could see the subtle evidence of impatience. And some desperation.

Selmak all but laughed in his ear. **And you are not?**

Jacob frowned, unwilling to concede the victory. But, he knew Selmak was right. The only responses he could come up with were petty and trite. She delighted in some of the more interesting epithets that passed through his head. Jacob gave a heavy sigh.

Sam stopped pacing, giving him a questioning look.

"Selmak is being... difficult."

Her brow raised. "Really?"

"You know, sometimes I hate it when she's right."

**Oldest and wisest.** Selmak reminded him.

Since she _was_ right, and he still didn't want to admit it, Jacob merely changed the subject. "How are you doing, Sam?"

"Huh?" The question caught her off guard. He watched her frown until he realized Sam didn't know what he was talking about.

"Well," he began, "we haven't talked in a while. I figure we have a bit of catching up to do. So... how are you?"

"Wonderful, you?" Jacob opened his mouth to counter the blatant lie, but she continued. "I mean why shouldn't I be? I'm alive, aren't I? I'm here, aren't I? The Talare saved my life, even if their methods were a bit... unconventional."

"You can say that again."

"I should be," Sam quickly corrected herself, "I am eternally grateful. To Shara'le and Vanara especially. They did far more for me than I had any right to expect. But I stand here and look at everyone, and I'm acutely aware that I'm not what they were hoping for."

It was Jacob's turn to be caught off guard. He hadn't expected the venting to come quite so easily. Much like him, she could be closed off with her feelings. So he took it as a testament to the amount she was holding onto at that moment.

**There is much to be reconciled by everyone.** Selmak observed somberly.

"Has it occurred to you that maybe everyone is just a bit stunned that you _are_ alive?" Jacob raised a brow, inviting her to ponder the idea.

After a moment, she shook her head. "It's not all of it."

"Like it or not, it's just going to take time." Jacob moved forward, touched her arm.

When she looked down at the contact, he knew that Sam had noticed the brief hesitation. "How much time?"

"If this is what you're really worried about, then how is the memory device supposed to help?"

She gave a sad smile. "I need to know if I'm even what_ I _was hoping for."

_**Rutaluen**_

It was like pulling teeth. After that first memory had slipped out so cleanly, anything else hung on with uncompromising determination. She had to argue to get the level of the device raised. A few more bits slowly shook loose. Being stranded with Jack in Antarctica. Pieces of the mission to Netu to rescue her father. Each one dour, like the mood that filled her.

It probably shouldn't have come as a surprise when her thoughts turned elsewhere.

_She took samples of the leaves. Shavings of the bark-like husk that covered the plant. It was when she started to drill out a piece of the woody core that she heard movement. Going still, she looked out the corner of her eye. There was a faint movement in the grass, but that was all she could make out._

_Jack was making a sweep of the field, somewhere behind her now. Daniel and Teal'c were near the tree-line, studying the layout of the hollow groves. There was no one within one hundred feet of her._

_Ignoring the sample case, Sam stood. Slowly. There was a low rumble. A growl. While her heart pounded, imploring her to run, Sam deliberately walked. And with great effort kept her eyes forward. She could hear whatever it was keeping pace behind her. She moved in the direction she knew Daniel and Teal'c to be._

_WIth one hand she held the P90 with a death grip as it hung agains the strap. WIth the other she keyed her radio twice. Her breath hitched when she heard another growl._

_"Carter?" Jack's voice came through her radio. Sam keyed her radio once more._

_She was about thirty feet from the trees when he spoke again. "I see it. Teal'c, Daniel, you read?"_

_"We are approaching Major Carter's postion," Teal'c said._

_Sam caught a glimpse of Teal'c through the trees. The branch under her foot, hidden by the grass, snapped sharply. She stopped, froze. The creature howled._

_"Move!" She could hear Jack's cry even without the radio._

_Running for the treeline, she heard the pounding approach behind her. Sam didn't dare to look back. Even as she tore heedlessly through the whipping branches, the thing was at her heels. With nothing else to do, she dove to the side. Momentum carried her several feet as she rolled._

_The heavy thud of the creature slamming into the ground was drowned out by gunfire and staff blasts. Teal'c and Daniel were rushing forward. She barely acknowledged Jack bursting through the trees where she had only just been. But the animal was between her and the others. It snarled before launching into another charge._

_Sam pushed herself up, struggling to get her feet underneath her. Even though she could hear the roars as bullets hit their mark, the creature still came. She didn't even contemplate turning to shoot at it herself._

_The grass hid the slope of the terrain. She was only a few feet from the edge when she noticed the ground simply ended. It was just an instant of hesitation, but it was enough. The creature yelped sharply, and Sam heard it stumble. When she turned her head, she saw it tumbling at her. There was no time to move. She tried, but it bowled into her. A sharp hot stab went through her leg._

_Everything blurred together. The collective shouts from her team. Momentum dragging her helplessly towards the edge._

Sam never heard Jack call for the device to be shut off, almost as soon as the memory had begun. Didn't feel Jacob shake her by the shoulders. Or the sharp pull as he removed the memory recall device, already deactivated.

Eventually she noticed she was on the floor, on her hands and knees. The next realization was that she was shaking. Only then did she notice the others crowded around her.

"Look at me," Jacob said. She could only try to breathe. "Come on, Sam, snap out of it."

Sam tried to speak, but nothing came out. She shook her head and tried again. "I'm ok."

"You don't look ok to me." Jack frowned at her as she looked up.

"Just snuck up on me. Need a minute."

"When you feel up to moving, you're coming to the infirmary," Janet said.

"I'm fine."

Janet didn't miss a beat. "Then you can continue being fine in the infirmary."


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Sorry it's been so long, had to take some time off to clear my brain. It's so nice to see that so many people are following this, though, thank you all!**

Janet checked Sam's vitals, largely for decorum's sake. How was she to know what was and was not normal for this species? At least it gave her something to do, and something to study as the night passed. Sleep was something she had pretty much given up on.

From her office she glanced over to Sam. Jacob sat on one of the beds across from her as they talked. Janet looked back down at her notes. She sighed. They were all screwing up big time. It saddened her to realize she was as guilty as anyone else. Even if she did know intellectually that Sam was sitting there on the other side of the room, it was still difficult to accept. To accept that Sam was something else. That such a fundamental part of one's identity as species had been so irrevocably altered.

But, it _was_ Sam. So Janet knew how she must be taking their distancing, however unintentional it was. That rift would have to be mended before it became too wide. It would wait though. The day had been a grueling one. Even if Janet had no intention of sleeping, Sam could use the rest.

When Jacob finally left, she nodded to him through the glass. More often than not, her gaze returned to Sam. Even in the dim light she could make out her form. It wasn't long before Janet saw her tossing restlessly on the bed. Only briefly, and then she was still again. Janet frowned. They cycle repeated a couple more times over the next hour. As Janet stood to go investigate, she saw that Sam had sat up on the side of the bed.

By the time she stepped out of her office Sam was up and pacing.

"Sam." Janet began softly, trying her best not to startle the other woman. "What's wrong?"

Sam turned around, shrugged. "Can't sleep." She continued before Janet could respond. "It's all coming back to me. Just, sort of, all at once."

"Are you feeling ok?" Janet said. Worried that this was some sort of side effect.

Sam shook her head. "No, I'm fine. It's all popping up randomly, is all."

"I see."

"Janet, how is Cassie?"

The question took her slightly off guard. Which made it take that much longer for her to identify the concern, guilt, and perhaps even hesitation in Sam's features. Janet gave a small sigh, she still hadn't figured out how best to break the developments to her daughter.

"Well, she has taken it hard." Aside from sheer duty, it had been one of the main reasons Janet had kept herself going so strongly. She needed to be ok if she was going to help Cassie through. It left a knot in her throat just to think about. "But, she's pulling through."

Sam's voice was equally strained. "Good. That's good. She doesn't know about this, I take it?"

"Not yet. I've been trying to decide the best way to tell her." Not to mention she knew Cassie would insist upon seeing Sam, and she wanted to be able to arrange that first.

"Maybe it's best if you don't."

"Why?" Sam only stared at her, as if the answer should be obvious. Janet shook her head. "She's devastated. Cassie needs to know that you're alive."

But Janet still saw hesitation. Felt her own guilt rising.

"I don't want to upset her."

"No. God, no." Janet moved forward, took Sam's hands into her own, watched the moment of shock play in Sam's eyes. She shook her head emphatically. "You couldn't. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. We've all been dealing with this wrong. I'm ashamed of it."

"Janet." Sam tried to interrupt her, but Janet pressed on.

"You deserve better. And Cassie will want to know, to see you. Do you really think not telling her, that putting it off, will do anything but hurt her more in the end?"

Sam looked down at their hands before looking back up. "Yeah. You're right. I haven't been dealing with this well, either."

"I don't know," Janet said with a smile, "you seem to have been doing pretty well. All things considered."

"Maybe. Being back. Seeing everyone. I don't think I was really prepared for it. I wanted it so bad, but I never really thought about the consequences."

"Well let's mark the calendar, Sam is stumped." Sam's snicker had Janet beaming once more.

"He did say it would take time. My dad." Sam added the last bit at Janet's questioning stare.

"I think you should listen to him. He usually knows what he's talking about."

"Yeah."

Janet looked into her eyes. "We will get this all figured out."

"I know."

_**Rutaluen**_

Eventually, Sam did get some sleep. Most of the rest of the night they had spent talking. About nothing in particular. Mostly Janet catching her up with base gossip and things at home. The normality of it settled her. At some point she finally realized that she was drifting. There was no urgency, so she simply let herself go. Her only regret was that morning came too soon.

Still, she was glad that the general had agreed to do the briefing that day. There was plenty of unfinished business she had with the Talare, and Sam would have to go back sooner than later. But before that happened she'd have to describe the culture and society to the others. Well, what little of it she really understood. Sam really hadn't spent much time probing them about such things.

Jacob met up with her as she was leaving the infirmary.

"Hey, dad."

His eyes widened slightly. "Someone's sounding chipper."

"Yup." Sam started walking towards the briefing room, letting Jacob fall in beside her.

Jacob gave a short laugh. "I take it you're feeling better, too."

"The recall device seemed to jar everything loose. Made for a long night, but I'm good."

"Really? So, you remember everything?"

Sam shrugged. "Mostly. There's still some bits working their way out."

"I'm glad," he said with a smile.

She returned it. "Me, too."

When they got to the briefing room the rest of SG-1 was there. Hammond was nowhere to be seen yet. Daniel gave her a wave over the coffee he was currently nursing. Sam waved back. She only looked at the pot briefly before deciding that was an experiment for another day.

"Carters," Jack said in greeting, earning an amused smirk from Jacob.

"Sir."

"Dapper."

Sam cocked her head at his observation. "So I've been hearing."

"No, major," he said quickly, "it suits you."

"It is indeed good to see your mood so visibly improved."

"Thanks, Teal'c." Sam smiled and Teal'c bowed his head in acknowledgment.

"No doc?"

Sam shook her head. "No, sir. She has some things to take care of."

"Cassie?"

Nodding at Daniel, Sam took the seat across from him. Thinking about it left her stomach in knots. Wondering just how it would turn out. Everyone lapsed into an appreciative silence.

She was glad when Hammond walked in, ready to put her mind to other things for now.

Hammond nodded to Jacob before acknowledging the rest of the room. "Good morning everyone." He then looked at Sam. "I know you requested this briefing, major, but if you would like to postpone..."

"No, sir, thank you." She answered immediately to his questioning pause.

Hammond sat at the head of the table. "All right then, go ahead."

"Sir. The Talare are a peaceful species. Isolated, as far as I could tell. If we're invited, they pose absolutely no danger to our people."

"If not?" Hammond said.

Sam shook her head. "Even then, I'd see them doing nothing worse than sending us back."

"I don't know," Jack said, "I can see some of them doing worse."

She knew he was talking about Grahas, and she could feel the lingering tenseness in her chest. But that was a very special circumstance. While he may not like it, he'd never go against the majority decision.

"Deception isn't something they do. They'd never invite us under false pretenses."

Daniel piqued, entering his element. "So who exactly would be responsible for inviting us back? Shara'le?"

"No. There's no leader to speak of. Anything that affects the group is settled by arbitration."

"Arbitration?" Jack probed for elaboration.

Sam nodded. "Anyone who has an opinion on the matter can speak. Then it's put to a simple majority vote."

"So, literally everyone has a voice. Doesn't seem very efficient," Jacob said.

"Not much seems to happen that requires arbitration. And time isn't really something they're overly concerned with." In fact, her own arbitration was the only one that she had ever witnessed. It was disconcerting to remember the deliberations over her fate. Whether or not she would be allowed to stay. At the time, she had not been very confident in the outcome.

"Clearly they are quite technologically advanced. Is this something they'd potentially be willing to share?" Hammond asked.

This, she really couldn't say. In all honesty she knew little about what drove the Talare. But they certainly seemed to want for nothing. "I don't know. They seem perfectly content with what they have. As for their technology, I couldn't even guess what their opinions would be on that matter. They barely even use it themselves."

Daniel frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I mean they barely use it. If you just saw them in their daily lives, you'd think they were primitive. If they can get away without it, they do."

"Sort of like the Nox," Daniel said.

She recalled the mission to the Nox world, and shrugged. "Maybe. When I asked about it Shara'le just said that knowledge comes in many forms."

"Sound like a bunch of hippies to me." She just glared at Jack. "What? They do."

Hammond looked at Sam. "I see no reason why we shouldn't pursue the matter. How were you intending on relaying the message?"

"When the others were sent back, I asked Vanara to pose the question. She'll be checking the stargate regularly to let us know the decision."

He nodded, and Sam swallowed. Try as she had, Sam still couldn't come up with a good way to bring up the last bit.

"Sir, there is one more thing." All eyes fixed on her. "When I... When they put..."

The words refused to come out. It was too surreal to talk about her own death or being placed in another body.

"Sam?" Jacob's voice was soft, her discomfort plain to everyone.

Sam took a breath and just spoke. "They still have my body."

The silence hit her like a physical wave. She watched the shock and confusion play across faces. Felt her own chest grow even tighter.

"What? Why?" Jack stammered.

"To return it... me. Observing the dead is important to them culturally, so they left the body in some sort of stasis for any rites we may have."

"I see," said Hammond slowly. He thought for a moment. "And what would you have us do?"

How did one answer that? "I have no idea."

_**Rutaluen**_

Vanara sat before the ring, eyes closed in contemplation. She had no doubt that Rutaluen, Sam, she corrected, would contact them sooner than later. So she had remained there to wait. The field was large and open, a good place for one to commune with her thoughts. When she heard the locking of chevrons, Vanara opened her eyes almost lazily.

She watched the sun begin to fall behind the horizon.

Standing as the ring continued to dial, she watched the rush of the unstable vortex. It was several more moments before the rippling surface was broken. Vanara watched the trundling machine with brief surprise. She had not expected a proxy. They were aliens, she reminded herself. It had already been made clear they conducted themselves on different lines than she was used to.

The machine came to a halt at the bottom of the platform. She saw one of the protrusions swivel, quickly realizing it was a camera. Vanara waited for it to stop on her.

"Vanara, I didn't think we'd catch you on the first try." Sam's voice came through the device.

Taking her cue, Vanara replied in English. "I waited. What is the purpose of this?"

"It's a communications device, that's all."

"Couldn't you just come through?" It seemed like a horrible waste to her. Curious, Vanara circled the machine, studying it.

"I'm sorry, it's standard procedure."

She still didn't fully understand, but didn't see the need to pursue it. Vanara stopped once again in front of the machine. "You will come though? We are prepared to hold arbitration."

"About what?" Vanara recognized the voice of their leader, the man without hair. She gave a little sniff of amusement.

"I imagine that depends on what your motives are."

He continued. "We only wish to learn more about your people and any common ground between us."

"As do we."

"And I have your assurance that my people will be safe while there?"

The question confused her. Upset her. Vanara spoke in her own language. "Rutaluen, what is this?"

"General Hammond doesn't mean anything by it," she quickly assured. "He has to ask."

"You think we would hurt you?"

"No, I don't. But not everyone we contact is friendly. He's cautious. He has to be. Don't take it personally."

Though she still could not completely understand it, Vanara could accept it as fact. She spoke again in English. "No harm will come to you here."

_**Rutaluen**_

Seeing the hurt in Vanara's face had been hard to take. Like a personal slight. Sam was also surprised at her reaction to the question even being raised. It was clear she had never even considered the possibility that they'd wonder about their safety. Though she supposed it was hard to mistrust when there was no reason to do so.

Explaining Vanara's reaction to the others had been no easier. The whole affair left her head pounding. Still, her day was far from over.

She didn't envy Janet having to explain the situation to Cassie. No less so after Janet had come to her after, looking completely drained. Cassie was stunned, in shock, and just as adamant to see her as they thought. Hammond had been entirely cooperative. Now Cassie was on base and waiting in one of the spare quarters.

Janet was standing outside of the room. Sam felt her stomach tying itself into even more knots than it already was in. "How is she?"

"Hard to say." Janet's voice was deflated. There was a hint of redness in her eyes. "But she is getting pretty impatient."

As hesitant as she felt, there was nothing to be done about it. Sam just nodded. Janet gave her arm a reassuring squeeze before knocking sofly on the door.

"Cassie, I've got Sam here with me." Janet spoke as she opened.

Sam stayed back a step, waiting for Janet to nod at her before she came forward. Then she entered the room without a word. Her eyes locked on Cassie's, and Sam felt paralyzed.

Cassie gave a brief gasp, barely audible. There was a long silence as they both just looked at each other. Sam saw so many things in Cassie's eyes that her heart broke. She could still make out the tear stains. And now she saw shock and disbelief. Words only did so much to prepare someone. Sam could only stand where she was.

She didn't know how much time passed as no one moved or spoke, but it felt like an eternity.

Cassie had to try twice to find her voice. "Sam? Is that really you?"

"Yeah," she could barely get the words out herself, "it's me."

Everything still went unbearably slow. Cassie looked at her, blinking back even more tears. The girl took a couple steps forward. "Why?"

Sam knew she was talking about her physical appearance. "The aliens that found me... they didn't know what else to do."

"I thought you were dead." Cassie's voice was small, and Sam felt like she was staring at the child she had found on P8X-987 instead of the teenager she had become. The devastation staring back at her threatened to bring Sam to her knees.

"I know. I'm sorry."

Sam barely got the words out before Cassie crossed the remaining distance and hugged her tightly. She returned the gesture, the unprompted action making Sam forget, at least temporarily, all the things that were wrong with the current situation. All she could do was hold onto Cassie as the hot tears poured forth. And for the first time, she truly missed that she couldn't do the same.

There was no way for Sam to know when Janet had left, only then noticing her absence, and the closed door behind her.

She said the comforting platitudes as rote, inwardly knowing they were far too insignificant. But she didn't know what else to do. Eventually the tears subsided.

"What's it like?" Cassie said.

The full answer was too complicated. Sam settled with "weird."

Cassie gave a short laugh between sniffles. She pulled back to look at Sam again. "Yeah, definitely weird. I missed you so much."

"I missed you, too." Before her memory returned, the longing had been vague. But it had been no less potent than when she could finally put names to it.

For a while they talked about trivial things, sitting on the side of the bed. Cassie ran through highlights of school and her social life. It was quickly obvious that she purposely avoided any of the unpleasant things. Sam listened as Cassie mentioned the boy she thought she liked, how all of her friends had been around. Taking it upon themselves to get Cassie out and keep her from closing off from the world.

"I don't know if I could've handled it," Cassie said. "Not again. I already lost everyone once."

The confession was unbearable to hear. Sam hated to hear that Cassie had suffered so, and thinking of the possible implications that could have happened only made it worse. "I'm sorry you had to go through that at all. I wish there was some way I could take it back."

There was a silence.

"What is this going to mean?" Sam could only blink, so Cassie continued. "I mean, you can't really leave the SGC now, can you?"

It was something she hadn't spent a lot of time thinking about. Largely on purpose. There were too many complications. It was true, though, she certainly would never be allowed to wander around topside. Not in the foreseeable future. Perhaps never.

Unlike Teal'c, she didn't think a hat would quite cut it.

She made her voice light. "We'll figure it out." And quickly changed the subject. "Now I don't know about you, but I'm hungry. What say we find Janet?"

Though Cassie was still contemplative, she nodded.


End file.
